What my Bigmama lacked in things and money, she more than made up for in love. She had a heart as big as Texas and boy how she poured out her love on me. I was spoiled rotten, although you couldn’t have forced me to admit it for anything!
I was the first grandchild, and she treated me like I was the love of her life. And how that aggravated my aunt, her daughter, who was only five years my senior. When it was my turn to do the dishes, Bigmama would sometimes wash them for me. It was like being involved in a conspiracy. I had what I thought was a secret; just between my grandmother and me. I know it might not seem like this was a big deal, but it made me feel special… like I was a little bit better than my sister and my aunt. In fact, my aunt called me, “Princess Anne.”
Although my maternal grandparents divorced when I was very young, my grandfather was just as bad as my grandmother when it came to the ‘spoiling’ department. When I would go to visit him, he’d let me sneak into his dresser drawer and take change from his special place. I’d fill my little hands with as much loot as I could possibly carry; not worrying a bit about whether my sister had any money or not. I didn’t realize it then, but looking back, he probably did the same with all three of us. We’re all spoiled in some sort of way.
Now my parents were a whole different story. When they entered the door, spoiling went out of the window. They more than balanced out all of that favoritism. LOL My sister and I were treated the same, with the exception that since I was the oldest, I was given more responsibility than I desired. You know the old rule, “You’re the oldest, you should have stopped her. You should have been watching her better.” Yep, my folks put the R back in reality ‘with a quickness’. They didn’t believe in spoiling you. Loving you, yes. Spoiling you? It was not happening on their watch.
And that was good for me. Still, it was too late. The idea that I was a little better than others had been fashioned by my grandparents; the stronghold in my mind had been formed. It took my learning how to love God, and the Holy Spirit’s teaching me about the value of every person, to begin to break the hold.
I still have to watch my attitude and my thought-life. It feels as though the enemy is always testing me to if I’m keeping my foot on the neck of pride. For really, it is a pride issue. It’s easy to get to the place where you don’t even realize that everyone is unique and special.
By the way, after I had my own children and looked back at my life, I discovered that I had it ‘pretty good’ as they say. My parents, my sister, and I traveled across the United States. They provided the things we needed and many of the things we wanted; even when times were tough financially. I never had to worry about whether my mom or dad were going to be there for me. I knew that they were there. They spoiled us in their own way by simply loving us the only way they knew how. They treated each of us a little differently as we grew older, but that was in order to meet our individual needs and personalities. Through their journeys with the Lord, they learned how to relax and we have grown to be the best of friends. They certainly have showered our children with love and yes, spoiled them like my Bigmama spoiled me. OH well!!
You know something? It’s easy to compare yourself with others, which is what pride will make you do. It’s easy to size the man up sitting across from you in the doctor’s office, or the girl who lives next door, and make a judgment. However, it was that kind of mentality that kept me from appreciating those around me and kept me from seeing myself from God’s perspective. I’ve discovered that God doesn’t want me to see myself as lower than or better than others. Rather, He wants me to take a sober look at myself, identify my strengths and my weaknesses, and understand that His grace under girds them all.
Wherever I am strong, it is because of Him. Wherever I am weak, His mercy and grace have helped me to make it through. Consequently, whatever and whoever I am is still because of Him. There is never a reason to ‘get the big head’ (as my folks used to say), for any success I have achieved is due directly to his favor. There is no reason to beat myself up because I’m not where I should be, because Jesus’ dying on the cross paid the price for my indiscretions, my sin, and my weakness… just as He has done for you, my friend.
I guess the only way to see myself is through God’s eyes… someone still on the potter’s wheel. The great thing about this is that God is not finished with me yet by a long shot. And He is most capable of transforming me into the woman He designed me to be.
Naaaa, I don’t want to be spoiled, I just want God’s favor. I’m satisfied to receive the same loving treatment that He gives all of his children; those who place their faith in Him. That’s more than enough for me.
I hope that you are enjoying your relationship with Him as well. It’s what makes the journey!
Until next time.
© 2010 God’s Perspective Publishing