Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve been a very proud person most of my life. God’s working on me though! You wouldn’t think it by looking at me, with my ‘no-frills,’ uh ‘conservative’ (yeah, that’s it), way of dressing and the way I can whip that pony-tail holder out and pull my hair to the back of my head as quick as lightning. If I can’t find a tissue for my nose, I have no qualms about pulling a few sheets of toilet paper off the roll. You’d probably say, “T’Alice, you’d be a great candidate for a make-over!” LOL
Okay, even though a nail salon would go out of business waiting on me to enter its doors, I really do care about my appearance. Consequently, for years I held off using a walking cane, because I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. For more than thirty years, I have dealt with fibromyalgia; a painful and frustrating disorder that affects, among many things, my ability to move. Between you and me, when I was in my thirties, there were days when I would mosey slowly down the hall at work, pretending that I was engrossed in what was going on in every classroom along the way to my rooom, which was located at the end of the hall. Actually, I could barely walk, but didn’t want others to know it. Looking back, the only one I was probably fooling was myself (smiles). Finally though, I got tired of holding on to walls and any stable object in my path, so I broke down (i.e. finally came to my senses) a few years ago and purchased a cane.
Before it was ‘the DREADED cane’.
Now it’s YAY for the cane! Wooo Hooo!!!
Every so often now, I have an attack of pride for a moment, when I meet people from my past and I am walking with a cane. I don’t want them to pity me. But I can also tell you that the feeling of embarrassment is fleeting. I figure either they will accept me or they won’t. Sometimes they’ll say, “Girl, you don’t need that cane. Throw that thang away.” (I figure, they need to have something to say in order to feel more comfortable about my using a cane.) I smile in response to their suggestion and go right on… me with my cane.
In fact, I think I’m almost used to the ‘cane’ me.
I smile as I write this, because at this point in my life, while it still matters what others think about me, it matters MORE what God thinks about me, and that I am true to myself. I have to do what’s best for me and not worry about how I might appear to others who don’t ‘walk in my shoes’. In other words, while appearance may be important in some circumstances, I do not want to focus on it to the point that I have to sacrifice good judgment and wisdom, in order to feel accepted. After fifty plus years of living, I have physical scars, emotional scars, and mental scars… BUT …. Hey, I’m still here!
The only time that I feel embarrassed by the ‘fifties’ me is when I project in my mind what other people might be thinking about me. In other words, when I become self-absorbed. However, if I keep my mind on Christ, He keeps me in perfect peace. Regardless of the difficulties that life has brought, He has surrounded me and is continuously filling me with His love. It’s because of Christ that I’m still loving others, I’m still giving, I’m still smiling, and determined to enjoy the gift of life that God has given to me. I choose to appreciate the gift of each day God gives me.
What have I learned about the ‘ow-ies’ of life?
Our Heavenly Father has taught me that although it’s true that our lives are short and full of trouble, He wants us to win! He want us to be victorious! He cares watchfully over us. There is no temptation for which he has not already made a way of escape. Troubles and scars will come. They are a part of life; but so is His favor, His protection, His power, His faithfulness, His forgiveness, and His love.
Next time, I’d like to finish telling what I’ve learned from the adversities I have encountered. I hope that you will come back and visit for a while. Until then, may the greatness of God’s love heal each of your wounds, day by day, as you pour out your concerns to Him and spend time in His presence. I have found Him to be faithful and His Word true. ETJ3!
Question for today – If you’ve had a painful experience that’s holding a part of your life in its grip, what are you doing to allow the Holy Spirit to heal the pain and strengthen you so you can move forward?
Scriptures ([NIV] that may help you along the journey:
John 1:16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Job 14:1 “Man born of woman is of few days and full of trouble.
1 John 5:4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.
Luke 1:25 “The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”
Psalm 30:2 O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
Psalm 103:3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
Psalm 57:18 I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him